puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
