He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
