my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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