So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
