the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
