Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
