The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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