I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
