I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
