Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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