im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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