So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize