youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
