I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
