Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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