Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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