I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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