My first STD was from a foam party
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
