as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
