I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
