Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
