You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
