So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
