Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
