did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
