When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
