Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think your dad took our porno
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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