If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
