Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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