I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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