I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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