After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
