I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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