bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
vagina is talking i cant
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
