theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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