I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You made out with two different species that night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
