he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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