i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
