i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
