she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.