Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

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  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (7091) Bad night (768)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

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  (912): So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper. (1-912): Who leaves their car unlocked at night? (912): Someone who wants to read the newspaper. http://tfl.nu/c19o
  Replies (23) Good night (7002) Bad night (635)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.

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  (313): you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones. http://tfl.nu/7zc6
  Replies (3) Good night (4337) Bad night (810)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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  (630): it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up. http://tfl.nu/l5tu
  Replies (10) Good night (5427) Bad night (633)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

  (631): View more from New York

  i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

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  (516): i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second (631): i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead http://tfl.nu/vulg
  Replies (28) Good night (3715) Bad night (791)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed

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  (206): My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed http://tfl.nu/sgs1
  Replies (19) Good night (3678) Bad night (1187)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.

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  (201): It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar. http://tfl.nu/427l
  Replies (8) Good night (3343) Bad night (897)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.

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  (240): Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/9wdm
  Replies (21) Good night (1113) Bad night (4949)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video

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  (315): Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video http://tfl.nu/4318
  Replies (10) Good night (2594) Bad night (628)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.

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  (808): He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married. http://tfl.nu/414x
  Replies (18) Good night (907) Bad night (2248)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.

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  (313): At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday. http://tfl.nu/fpxj
  Replies (4) Good night (1355) Bad night (414)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...

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  (303): You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted... http://tfl.nu/r2o3
  Replies (1) Good night (1418) Bad night (556)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it

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  (828): Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it http://tfl.nu/gdjw
  Replies (7) Good night (338) Bad night (1951)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.

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  (601): Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you. http://tfl.nu/w325
  Replies (3) Good night (530) Bad night (508)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash

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  (330): he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash http://tfl.nu/b2o7
  Replies (0) Good night (553) Bad night (242)

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