you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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