i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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