...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
