I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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