you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
