Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
