I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
