I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did i walk over a car last night?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
