I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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