Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
