Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
