oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
