I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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