That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
