I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
