I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
