No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
