the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
COCAINE IS GR8
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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