we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
