I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
