I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
