your parents love me but you hate me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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