after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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