Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
