Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
