Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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