I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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