I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
