were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dear god my vagina.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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