Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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