She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
