Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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