Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
