Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
